My First Two Paperbacks.

Sleazy but we like it.

Harold C. Jones

Harold C. Jones is pleased to announce the release of his first two paperbacks.

Encounter is a collection of five hot stories of gay love, previously only available as short stories in ebook form.

The Virgin and the Troll, now available in a 4 x 7” paperback from Lulu, is three novellas, formerly only available in ebook format, collected and presented in a convenient, easy to read package that will be loved by gay men everywhere. Makes a great Christmas gift or stocking stuffer for the significant other in your life.

The price for either book is $4.99 plus shipping and handling from Lulu.

Encounter is available here.

The Virgin and the Troll is available here.

Readers are certainly welcome to take a look at the books. Reviews and ratings are always welcome.

END

Kids With Guns.

Harold C. Jones

When I was seventeen, I went to a department store at our local mall, a place called Woolco. I went to the sporting goods section and bought a Crosman CO2 pistol of .177 calibre, model # 454. It resembles the 1911 Colt. I bought a couple of boxes of CO2 cylinders and plenty of BBs.

I paid cash, having some kind of job at the time.

Stepping out the door, I took it out of the bag, and stuffed the garbage into a green trash can by the front entrance. I loaded that gun, and shoved the pistol into my inner jacket pocket. I made sure I had the manual and the accessories. A few darts and pellets, BBs and stuff came in the box.

That was so cool.

I walked across the parking lot, got into my little sports car and drove away.

Kids with guns are just nuts.

One night, when we were about fifteen, Phillip showed up. He had a .22 calibre gas pistol, and it sure was a beauty. It was the Colt .45 six-gun. Every cowboy had one. Half the kids I knew had a single-shot .177 pellet rifle, but unfortunately, I didn’t. I eventually bought one, needing a new seal and not packing much of a punch, for about four dollars and three Estes model rocket engines…

Those were the days.

Phillip also had a thirty-two ounce glass pop bottle of homemade wine mixed with Pepsi or something inside of his parka, having sliced the lining with a knife to create a secret pocket. Like the teenagers we were, we left my dad’s garage with the fort up in the rafters and headed out into a crisp and clear winter night.

We ended up at a local scrap yard, shooting out rearview mirrors, headlights, taillights, anything kids might want to shoot at. Later, we went along the ditch behind a local grocery store, a nice long store. They had plenty of lights out back by the loading docks and the trash compactors. We all got shots at them.

I was a mighty fine shooter by the time I was seventeen. You could probably follow our progress across town on a fine summer’s evening by the trail of destruction. Shot-out streetlights, the lights at the exits of schools especially, anything. We did all kinds of crazy stuff, including shooting each other and a few other folks. You really haven’t lived until you’ve shot some neighbourhood kid in the ass with a .177 dart from a finely-tuned pellet rifle.

That big old .22 would punch a hole through both sides of a beer bottle. Whereas a .177 gas pistol by the same maker would only chip away at it. It took a few good hits to puncture it. For one thing, the mushroom shape kept the gas pressure better than a hard round BB, and for another it was simply bigger. It had more mass, although it probably flew slower. Later, my girlfriend’s brother had a hand-pumped, single-shot .22 air pistol. That gun was nice—I’ve always wanted to find another Benjamin. I would probably buy the thing. That gun would punch through a magnum wine bottle, both sides, nice little round holes.

Plunk. Just like that...

We used to get a twelve-pack of beer, or some wine, (or both.) My buddy brought his wife, I brought my girlfriend, ( I liked her gun) and sometimes her older brother, my younger brother and his girl came along. 

We shot at beer bottles dropped into the creek from a bridge on a side-road. Of course, we had to drink the beer first. The girls like shooting too. It was a fun afternoon when you’re young and kind of feeling your oats…

Back then, if you were walking through the woods and didn’t stumble across any shot-up old wrecks, you were doing something wrong. There is a whole field of post-modern archeology to be invented here. The fact is that a .357 Magnum will penetrate the engine block of a ’57 Chevy from front to back if you’re near enough…

At a later date, a buddy and I were shooting out of an old Dodge van with .22 long rifle, (Cooey .22 bolt-action.) We were sitting by the side of a secondary, gravel road, as if we could sustain ourselves by hunting our own meat or something stupid like that. A few beers helped, I have to admit. The author has also owned a double-barrel 12-gauge shotgun.

Shooting is a wonderful sport. It’s a lot of fun just plinking and fooling around.

We did some stupid shit with those guns.

Yet never, at any time, did we claim it was for our personal defense. We never even claimed it was for hunting, or meat for the pot, or for target or skeet shooting on a range. I don’t recall claiming it was a right, although I admit I couldn’t wait until I was seventeen so I could buy that CO2 pistol.

You’re not going to believe this, but I’ve even been shot in the leg with an arrow. That was my own brother, ladies and gentlemen.

That’s okay.

I blew him up with a crumbled rocket engine and a nichrome igniter and a three-volt battery a few days later. No serious harm done, although his pant-legs were burnt, and a serious message was sent that day.

Don’t steal my bike.

Don't steal my bike.

By the time we were done, we had bows, compound and simple, crossbows, butterfly knives, brass knuckles, steel-toed work boots, stun-guns, electrical traps, Molotov cocktails, (thanks to my dad for the tip) snares and boobie traps. Double-barreled shotguns…nun-chucks and churikens, blow-guns, all kinds of things really, and we also knew how to cut up fireworks and shotgun shells to make a simple anti-tank rocket. We knew how to make smoke-screens, and caltrops, and trip wires and all kinds of fun things.

We could make, or find, or buy, any damned thing you care to name. We were just kids, too.

We never claimed that God was on our side.

I guess we might have missed something there.

END

Common Literary Terms, Badly Explained.

Face withheld to protect the innocent. Yes, he is that good-looking.

Harold C. Jones

Here are a few common literary terms badly explained.

An antonym is the pen-name of an ant.

A simile is what they use when something is going to assimilate you. 

In fact, what I just said is similar to what I meant and how I should have said it in the first place. And now I shall slowly digest you.

Irony is like a Dutchman with a shoe fetish, or a Tea Party member poking a gun in your face and shrieking how much she loves the Constitution.

Onomatopoeia is self-explanatory. Give me a hard one next time, ah, but it’s basically just when the writer uses a lot of ‘o’s.

Punctuation is what the editor wants to do to the writer after a long phone session.

Adverbs. This is when you add verbs to make a sentence complete.

Example.

Before: This is when you to make a sentence complete.

After: This is when you add verbs to make a sentence complete. And just for the record, ‘verb’ is in fact a verb: hence, re-verb-erate. That ain’t a fuckin’ noun, ladies and gentlemen.

Semi-colon. A semi-colon is considered a rather half-assed piece of pumpcutation. Editors hate ‘em; so I throw one in once in a while. It makes their day complete.

Adjective. The opposite of an expletive. This is what you use when your audience is G-rated.

Example: “Move that fucking chair.” (X and R audience.)

               “Move that red chair.” (General Audiences.)     

Allegory. All the categories put together in one big, a mixed-up bag of shit, like a dog’s breakfast. A fairy tale told by animals.

Alliteration. What happens to you after you dive in headfirst and get your feet wet in the world of language. After a while, you become alliterated. It means you can read now. That’s not the same as people accepting you.

Allusion. Showing the reader something that isn’t visible; a literary menage, shimmering above the desert and making you think that’s a lake up ahead.

Theme. This is the stuff that you tell people when they ask, “Hey, why’d you write that crazy book, anyways?” A special kind of nonsense.

Unreliable Narrator. Self-explanatory by this point, I should think.

Didactic. Uninformative, boring. Written by teachers.

Couplet. A short writer and his vertically-truncated wife. Or a short writer and her husband. Or a short writer and their same-sex spousal person.

Denouement. This is when a lady takes her clothes off and the author fades to black. This is basically a French short form for ‘de-nude-moment.’

Epigram. A message written on a piece of skin.

Elegy. Some guy talking in a churchyard—ha. Another easy one.

Flashback. Otherwise known as dis-associative fugue or writer’s block of the active presentation. A mysterious desire not to deal with the present.

Hyerbole. A bole that exists in greater than the traditional four dimensions. I’ve seen one or two over the years.

Motif. Sorry, I’ll have to skip this one. An old editing injury has flared up. Seriously, and it’s driving me crazy.

Woe is me.

I can’t go out in public like this.

BYE

Gay News Roundup, May 4, 2014

Harold C. Jones

Arkansas Attorney General supports gay marriage but will support ban.

“Dustin McDaniel says he supports allowing same-sex couples to wed, but will continue defending the state constitution's ban on gay marriage. McDaniel announced Saturday that he supports marriage equality. That makes him the first statewide official in Arkansas to back gay marriage. But McDaniel said he'll continue defending a 2004 state constitution amendment defending marriage as between a man and a woman. A group of same sex couples are challenging the ban in court. McDaniel is a Democrat who was first elected in 2006 and was re-elected in 2010.” (talkingpointsmemo.com)

This poor fellow is no more agile than the next politician!

***

One Town’s War on Gay Teens.

“In Michele Bachmann's home district, evangelicals have created an extreme anti-gay climate. After a rash of suicides, the kids are fighting back.” (Rolling Stone.)

There were so many suicides it appeared to be a contagious disease.

***

How U.S. Evangelicals Helped Create Russia’s Anti-Gay Movement.

“Meet the Fox News producer, the nightclub impresario, and the oligarchs who teamed up to write inequality into law.”

“Larry Jacobs, vice president of the Rockford, Illinois-based World Congress of Families (WCF), an umbrella organization for the US religious right's heavy hitters, told the audience that American evangelicals had a 40-year track record of ‘defending life and family’ and they hoped to be "true allies" in Russia's traditional values crusade.  The gathering marked the beginning of the family values fervor that has swept Russia in recent years. Warning that low birth rates are a threat to the long-term survival of the Russian people, politicians have been pushing to restrict abortion and encourage bigger families. Among the movement's successes is a law that passed last summer and garnered global outrage in the run-up to the Sochi Winter Olympics, banning ‘propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations to minors,’ a vague term that has been seen as effectively criminalizing any public expression of same-sex relationships.” (MotherJones.)

And you thought the Tea Party’s adoration of Vladimir Putin had something to do with geopolitical events in the Ukraine.

Word of the day: oligarchy.

Can you say that?

Oligarchy.

***

Philadelphia Settles in Transgender Discrimination Case.

“City officials have agreed to pay $382,500 to settle the federal anti-bias lawsuit filed by transgender city worker Bobbie E. Burnett. The settlement was reached April 29, after the involvement of U.S. Magistrate Judge David R. Strawbridge. The city is expected to pay the money by July 31, according to court records. Burnett, a city library assistant, filed suit in 2009, claiming pervasive anti-LGBT workplace bias. She contended the city began mistreating her in 2002, shortly after she transitioned to the opposite gender. Co-workers allegedly hurled slurs at her, including freak, monster, devil, nigger and man in women’s clothing. Her managers allegedly limited Burnett’s ability to interact with the public, prevented her from using gender-appropriate restrooms and cited her for frivolous workplace infractions.”

“I’m very grateful that it’s over,” Burnett said. “The settlement is substantial, and I feel a sense of personal vindication.”

She’ll continue working as a library assistant for the city. (Philadelphia Gay News.)

“She will continue to work as an assistant at the library…” Wow. But let’s face it, $382,000 isn’t enough to retire on.

If you were forty years old, making about forty grand a year, and if you retired today, and if you expect to live at essentially the same lifestyle, you’ll need about $660,000 in your retirement fund, today.

You can’t live forever on that money. There’s a kind of reverse power curve, where you’re supposed to spend so much per month, and run out of money on the day you die—which takes some real financial-planning-style finesse.

Quite frankly, I don’t think you can do it.

***

French Court Blocks Gay Woman from Adopting Partner’s Child via IVF.

“A married French woman has been told she cannot adopt the child she and her partner had by IVF treatment carried out abroad. In a surprise ruling, a court in Versailles said the same-sex couple defrauded the French law which bars homosexuals from medically assisted procreation by undergoing the procedure in neighbouring Belgium.” (Guardian.)

***

A legacy of colonialism, the influence of Christianity.

Africa: Homophobia a Legacy of Colonialism.

“By preying on African values of inclusive difference, however, Africa’s colonisers rewrote its history, the effects of which haunt Africa to this day. Tribal chiefs and village courts of law which were traditionally the hallmark of conflict resolution were traded for a European Penal Code system which included the criminalisation of homosexuality. It is also important to stress that so-called sodomy laws would not have impacted African sexual politics without the influence of Christianity. Christianity was used to whitewash African culture as primitive and to demonise traditional interpretations of African intimacies.”

For some reason, these guys don’t know there’s a ‘z’ (‘zed’ in Canada,) at the end of colonize and demonize and criminalization.

(Technically, most people put the comma outside the brackets, Harold. – ed.)

(Yes, but it looks untidy. – Harold.)

END

Gay News Roundup. March 24/14

Cute, eh? This kid's almost old enough to serve in Kony's Army.

Harold C. Jones

Appeals court halts gay marriage in Michigan.

“A federal appeals court issued an order Saturday preventing more same-sex couples from getting married in Michigan for at least several more days.”

“The 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati said it issued the stay because it needed more time to consider the state's appeal of a judge's ruling Friday overturning Michigan's constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. The court said its stay would last until at least Wednesday.”

“Earlier Saturday, dozens of same-sex couples in at least four Michigan counties wasted no time in getting hitched, uncertain of how the appeals court would act.”

It’s one of those kinds of issues, like abortion or euthanasia, that as soon as one court rules, someone’s already foreseen the circumstance and prepared for the event. By the time this round is hashed out, both parties will have learned more about the weaknesses and the strengths of their own and the oppositions cases and prepared accordingly.

You don’t need to be John Grisham to see that.

“On Friday, federal Judge Bernard Friedman overturned Michigan's gay marriage ban, the latest in a series of decisions overturning similar laws across the country.”

“Two Detroit-area nurses who've been partners for eight years claimed the ban violated their rights under the U.S. Constitution. Nearly 60 percent of state voters in 2004 approved a constitutional amendment that recognizes marriage only as between a man and a woman.”

“Seventeen states and the District of Columbia issue licenses for same-sex marriage. Since December, bans on gay marriage have been overturned in Texas, Utah, Oklahoma and Virginia, but appeals have put those cases on hold.”

(Fox News.)

***

Ellen Page shames pastor for offering salvation for being gay.

"I'm here today because I am gay," she told the crowd. "And because ... Maybe I can make a difference.

"To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility."

Page said that she had suffered for years because of having to hide her sexuality while in the public eye.

"My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered," she said.

"And I'm standing here today, with all of you, on the other side of all that pain."

(The Independent.)

***

Joe Biden calls for end to workplace harassment and discrimination against gays.

“It’s outrageous that the country is even debating the subject.”

“Speaking to supporters of the gay advocacy group Human Rights Campaign on Saturday, Biden said it's 'close to barbaric' that in some states, employees can be fired because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.”

"Imagine 20 years from now as America looked back and say 'How in the hell can that ever been allowed?' 

The country's moved on, the American people have moved on."

“He said it was time for Congress to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act — known as ENDA — which would bar employers with 15 or more workers from using a person's sexual orientation or gender identity as the basis for making employment decisions, including hiring, firing, compensation or promotion. Religious institutions and the military would be exempted.”

“Biden also criticized Russia's ban on so-called gay "propaganda" and its military actions in Ukrainian territory.”

(Newser.)

Why are we even having this conversation.

***

All Hail the Lesbian Avengers.

“The death of arch-homophobe and foamer-at-the-mouth Fred Phelps has led to polarized feelings: do you dance on his grave, simply say “good riddance to bad rubbish,” or just think of him with pity? His Westboro Baptist Church picketed funerals with his ridiculous and vile “God Hates Fags” signs: how can we outdo that for his own? Or do we just turn away from his end-of-life spectacle, and in so doing repudiate the extreme homophobia and prejudice he represented?”

“These thoughts occur while reading Kelly Cogswell’s Eating Fire: My Life As a Lesbian Avenger because when the direct action group of the book’s title was hot in the early to mid 1990s, that kind of explicit, vicious homophobia was the norm. It’s why the Avengers was set up. This was a time, Cogswell reminds us, of advances and setbacks: greater visibility in the media, yes, but still anti-gay ordinances being set up in cities and states, still a depressing litany of queer-bashings and anti-gay murders.”

“The Avengers, as their flyers and publicity materials made clear from the beginning, wanted to be different to the earnest activists of yore. Their message was serious, their activism was witty and fast, like their direct action antecedents, ACT UP! and Peter Tatchell's Outrage! in the UK.”

(Yahoo News.)

***

Barack Obama presses Uganda to repeal anti-gay legislation.

“President Barack Obama is cutting U.S. aid for the poor African country of Uganda and blocking a health survey, because its elected government signed a popular and harsh law against homosexual conduct.”

“The punishment was revealed in the 12th paragraph of a Washington Post story about an expensive new effort to track down a roving warlord near northern Uganda.”

“The penalty spotlights the administration’s top-level and hard-edged effort to punish countries that disagree with its gay rights agenda.”

“‘We need you to combat restrictions… [and] in countries transitioning to democracy, we must help them navigate the difficult choices they must make, without dictating the outcomes,’ National Security Adviser Susan Rice told an D.C. assembly of senior U.S. diplomats in March.”

(The Daily Caller.)

Interestingly, the U.S. is stepping up efforts to locate Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony.

There may be a bit of the carrot-and-the-stick style of diplomacy at work. What may cause resentment on the part of Ugandan officials and negative comments in conservative circles domestically is probably the only way you’re going to get anything done.

Mr. Kony has a little bit of explaining to do anyhow.

(Huffington Post.)

END